Here is the video for those on Facebook.

HT: Justin Taylor

This is brilliant.

Kind of like, “We can’t spend our way out of a deficit. Now here’s the plan: fifty-bazillion dollars will be gathered here in fiscally-responsible government hands, then we’ll create jobs…”

HT: Phil Wade

This is the last straw. I take my last sip of this last straw and am officially fed up (good meal) and am ready to rail against the problem of beard-shards-in-eye syndrome.

We’ve all had it happen, and it happened to me again today. I was trimming down my Al-Qaeda/wizard beard back to societal norms when a shard from this beard struck me in the eye-ball area of my ocular cavity. It hurts, Mister President. It hurts.

We can no longer stand on the sidelines and let history remember us as the people who failed to act. The Government must fix this.

I am calling on The Government to find a solution. We need:

1. Warning labels on beard-trimmers and on beards.
2. And eyes.
3. An agency dedicated to keeping my eyes safe from my beard when I’m trimming it.
4. A blue-ribbon panel to do research and make recommendations to The Government.
5. An oversight committee to oversee the blue-ribbon panel making recommendations to the agency.
6. Training provided by The Government to people on how to trim their beards without the shards flying into their eyes.
7. Lawyers to sue every company that has made beard-trimmers. What’s John Edwards doing?
8. A pair of safety glasses issued to each thirteen-year-old boy in the nation.

It is time to act. Let not history not not say that we did not fail to fail to act. Act, do not not act.

Fort Skulletton, US —-Scallywags from all over met today beneath a blooming thorn tree in central Fort Skulletton on the banks of the Narl River. But these Scallywags are united.

United Scallywags is an organization dedicated to promoting the activity of Scallywaggery and the liberation from puritanical ideas about what is good and what is not. Their annual contravention is being held today and next Tuesday.

“Listen,” said Curm Sledges, spokewag for U.S., “We believe everyone has a right to engage in whatever actions they feel are right in their own hearts. We don’t want any of this mixing of church and state and boardgames, or fabricated standards of decency.”

Later he said, “I just want to be a scallywag.” Many cheered when he said that part, and some hooted. Hooting is not frowned upon in the U.S.

Some groups, angry, narrow-minded types, argued that this relativistic worldview allowed for all kinds of evil, including kicking puppies and continually using the phrase “Woot!” to express happiness on Twitter and Facebook.

“I won’t be a cog in the wheel,” Sledges said, high-fiving another scallywag. “I believe in myself. I’m a scallywag, and proud of it.”

Later, Sledges killed a man for messing with his hair.

Although Abraham Piper is, like, unhappy about, like, the unbalanced nature of this presentation, I, like, totally think it’s, like, amazing? But I am not a student of communication like Abraham is. Also, who knew this was called “uptalking?”

Typography from Ronnie Bruce on Vimeo.

HT: Justin Taylor

Literary Agent Steve Laube talks about the hyped-up notion that “print is dead.” In movies agents end up behind enemy lines, often wounded, spying, wisecracking, and listening for details of what is happening. So, reliability and all that. 

Laube argues that, while things are definitely changing, the notion that print books are over with is silly. He employs all caps, which I assume he doesn’t like to see in proposals.

“I see the royalty statements. I know exactly how many digital versions of my client’s books are being sold. And while there are a lot more sold than there were two years ago (of course there would be) the volume is still less than 1% of the print version sold. LESS THAN ONE PERCENT.”

He even notes that CD sales are still strong, even though digital music is (obviously) popular and growing more so. I know we’re all trying to figure out what kind of relationship there is between what has happened/is happening to the music business and book publishing. His article is informative on that front. Read it here.

Bottom line: printed books are alive and well, and will be for at least a while. To that I say, “Yay,” and “Pip, pip!” And, lastly, “Tally ho.”

OK, may have overdone that.

Here’s a picture of a Kindle being made. Oddly enough, they are manufactured using very old printing presses. That is also, in fact, where they get their name: Kindle. The fellow what operates the press is named “Kindle B. Rhinelander.” He has, it might surprise you to learn, a mustache.

Do you think printed books are on the way out? If so, do you care one way or the other? Do you like money?

I am pleased to welcome Stephen Altrogge. I asked him Five Questions. Stephen makes me laugh on Twitter all the time.

1.       Why do you have such a hard name to pronounce? Are you just trying to be difficult? 

Simple. Many years ago, back in Germany, my ancestors decided that they had had enough of telemarketers calling them during dinner time.  They decided that they needed to change their last name to something difficult to pronounce so that they could immediately identify a telemarketer over the phone. At first they were going to use the name “Nllywgnfsrn”, but then realized that even they couldn’t pronounce it. So they settled on Altrogge.

Or maybe they were just being difficult.

2.       You write/perform music and write books. Are you also an inventor, or a bee-keeper?

I’m not a bee-keeper, but I desperately wish I was. What little boy hasn’t told his parents that he wants to be a bee-keeper when he grows up? Plus, bee-keepers get to carry around a smoke-making device at all times. Do you know how useful that would be? Getting tired of a conversation? Pump a little smoke into it. Need to run through heavy gunfire? Throw up a smoke screen. Want to entertain small children for hours on end? Smoke signals. The possibilities really are endless.

3.       What is your life for?

Wow, we just went from the totally absurd to the totally serious. But that’s okay, that’s how I tend to roll myself. So here goes. My life is for the purpose of showing how great Jesus really is. 1 Corinthians 10:31 defines my life purpose: “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” I write books and music and drink coffee and love my wife and play with my little girl to make Jesus look great. That’s what I am on planet earth for.

4.       Do you think sports are worth spending time on (plug that book, son)?

Yes. Two reasons. First, sports are a wonderful gift from God. I get so much joy from watching sports and playing sports and that joy is a gift from God. Second, sports present a wonderful opportunity to glorify God. When I play sports, I can give thanks to God for giving me a healthy body, can be grateful for the joy of making a basket, and can have a wonderful time with other friends who enjoy playing sports.

I wrote a book where I address this in detail entitled Game Day for the Glory of God: A Guide for Athletes, Fans, and Wanabes. You can get it on Amazon HERE: http://www.amazon.com/Game-Day-Glory-God-Athletes/dp/1433501392/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262717328&sr=8-1

5.       What are you reading (or have read lately) that has mattered?

I’m reading an awesome book called Old Testament Theology that’s looking like it’s going to be a home run. My knowledge of the OT is limited at best. I mean, I obviously know all the well known stories like “Jacob and the Lion’s Den”, and “Samson Feeding the Five Thousand”. But I really do want to grow in understanding how the Old Testament links to the New Testament, and I think this book is going to be a huge help.

Thanks for doing this interview. If anyone is interested in finding out more about me, like why I love salami, or how I got $32,000 from the Prince of Nigeria, they can find me on my blog (www.theblazingcenter.com), Twitter (twitter.com/stephenaltrogge), or Facebook (facebook.com/stephenaltrogge). Thanks!

OK, since everyone is legally required to do these things, I will comply.

In no particular order –and in no way does this constitute the kind of reflection one ought to engage in– in 2009:

1. I won’t share much of my family life, as is my general custom*, but my wife Gina and I welcomed our third child (somehow not named Ender) and second son into our home. He has been a lot of fun –chief among God’s gifts to us this year. He looks like his mother, but still maintains a masculine aspect.

2. I was privileged to be published in each issue of West Virginia South (The Fledge Chronicles serial) in 2009. This was a real blessing, and allowed me the chance to work with a great editor in Audrey Stanton-Smith. She has been a believer in this series from the start.

In those Fledge stories I was able to work with three neato artists/illustrators:

Rex Queems     Ted Williams (my childhood chum)     Zach Franzen (who’s illustration will appear in February’s issue –I’m stoked)

3. I signed a contract with a literary agency, Eames Literary. Surprisingly, they also signed it. I am hopeful that this will lead to good things. If nothing else, it affords me with many awkward and unavoidable opportunities to try to say “My agent…” in a sentence without sounding like a big, self-important jerk.

4. I was pleased to be a finalist for the West Virginia Fiction Award, in which competition I was defeated soundly in the final round.

5. I won my fantasy football championship for the second time ever. Most of this was done without watching more than five minutes here and there of any games. You can be impressed.

6. I had a poem, called “The In-Between,” published in a regional arts journal called Holler. The poem references the “scattered bodies, once-homes, for souls of nicotine” and also some Frenchie named Napoleon. There is nothing about fantasy football in the poem.

7. I was happy to have a hand in bringing Eric Peters, one of my favorite singer/songwriters, into our area of the country for a concert (w/ LeeAnn Sharp). He is swell. It was a great time. He, unlike most of his cronies, actually is a man and loves football.

8. I copied and pasted a lot of quotes and called it “blogging.” I did this because 1) I liked them and thought you might as well, 2) They saved me (and you) from my drivel.

9. Andrew Peterson wrote a blurb for me which I couldn’t use because in it he said he’d never met me, but in fact he has (twice) and didn’t remember (shocking? No) and it would be weird if people read that and then found it was a lie…a LIE! <—Nacho L. reference in honor of my brother, Will Smith. <—-Not a lie.

10. I went further bald. <—- Excellent writing.

This picture proves that a) I am actually two-faced, or b) I move around a lot when teaching the kids.

11. I was defeated by my brother, Josiah, at our Independence Day Cricket Extravaganza. I was bowled clean not a few times.

12. I read some good books, including these which come to mind at the moment (I should probably actually write down the books I read):

Auralia’s Colors

Cyndere’s Midnight

Raven’s Ladder

North, Or Be Eaten

Fitzpatrick’s War

Notes from the Tilt-a-Whirl

A House for My Name

The Narnian

Jack: The Life of C.S. Lewis

J.R.R. Tolkien: A Biography

A Primer on Worship and Reformation

Is Christianity Good for the World

ESV Study Bible

Patrick O’Brian (Desolation Island, and another one, or two)

PG Wodehouse (a few of his –I can’t remember the names)

A Bunch o’ Sherlock Holmes (reread)

Ender in Exile

Cry, the Beloved Country

No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency

The Yiddish Policeman’s Union

The Wilderking Trilogy

Godric

Florence of Arabia

When Helping Hurts

The Meaning of the Pentateuch

Jaybor Crow

Lord Dunsaney’s Collection

An Intro to Biblical Theology

Most of them were good.  

13. My Bible reading was focused mainly in Genesis, Exodus, Matthew, James, Ephesians, and my favorite, Ecclesiastes.

OK, so those things happened, and some other things. Now you know.

* Note on item #1 (above). The reasons I don’t are many, but it includes the fact that that stuff is usually not as interesting to others as it seems to the person sharing. We have a private blog for that stuff and we just share it with our family/very close friends. But please know that family is central in my life, it really defines who I am in most ways. This kind of demonstrates how limited blogs usually are (and certainly are in my case) for getting to know the person behind them. Blogs, as we all know, are about copying and pasting smart-sounding quotes.

Tim Challies, a Canadian blogger of staggering popularity who reads twelve books a day (or so), has a hysterilarious post about a couple of board games he recently received.

One is “Your Best Life Now –The Board Game.” That speaks for itself. (Threw up in mouth.)

The other one is “Rich Daddy God,” not much different perhaps. But Rich Daddy God contains some Engrish magic, as seen in these cards.

Check out his post for all the funny details.

After reading a particular portion of my novel my agent expressed an intense wish to defenestrate me.

That’s the kind of thing that happens when your agent has a fancy Ph.D.

To be fair, he was so very right about the section. Snip snip.

Note: Sure, it sounds great and all to have a learned agent, but I was literally raised in a “holler.”