I bet you’re thinking cuss words, right? Why the [redacted] would you think that?

No, these are worse than so-called cuss words. These are words that make me want to so-called cuss.

If I…were the king…of the foreeeeeest….no one would be allowed to say these words –without fear of being put in the comfy chair and poked with the soft cushions.

The Offending Words, Corporal, if you please!

Protip
Here’s a Protip: Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever say “Protip.”

Ancient
I used to be fine with this word UNTIL MY WIFE POINTED OUT THAT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE IT. Now, I feel like I’m six years old every time I say it.

Absofruitly
It’s like it’s Dr. Moreau’s island and they mixed fruit with absolute. A hideous beast!

Coolio
Like that show you never liked when it was originally on, but the reruns NEVER END.

Dealio
This so-called word makes the perfectly-fine word “deal” feel like a square. It’s like those Mac-snob commercials. You’re so cool with your hands in your pockets and you look so relaxed while the pasty guy with his shirt tucked in falls all over the TV screen. So your computers are awesome and fashionable, Leo. Great job, Leo. Big Deal, Leo.

Julio
I know, this is wrong. I actually love this word/name. But I wanted another –io-ending word. (Guilt by association?) You and no one down by the school yard, I guess.

Crave
I actually do hate this word and always have. “I’m craving a bag of potato chips.” It’s revolting, like communists.

Philanderer
I feel like I am one after I say it, it’s so gross.

OK, that was silly. I’m craving your participation. What words do you hate? How dumb is it to hate certain words? What’s the dealio on that?

Watch and enjoy.

HT: Stephen Altrogge

Say what you will about them and their ability to predict the end of the world, but I love Mayannaise. Eating a sandwich without it is like a human sacrifice (where I’m the human) to me, or the end of the world.

Or maybe we’ve misunderstood their intent…

HT: 22 Words

It happened again today. I was told I look like Shel Silverstein.

Which is Sam? Which is Shel?

If only I could write like Shel Silverstein.

But he can’t write like me, either. I’m sure this is devastating news for him.

Trust me.

Buy one (or all?)of  Andy’s records here.

Every year I can’t remember why today, Boxing Day, is called Boxing Day. Then I look it up and realize people aren’t positively sure why. (Boxes for the needy seems to be the favorite.)

When I was first introduced to Boxing Day as a mere lad in the commonwealth nation of South Africa, I had the distinct impression it had something to do with all the boxes one would have after Christmas. A child’s fancy? Probably. I was likely still dazed from spending my first African Christmas swimming and eating watermelon.

Of course, it’s also St. Stephen’s Day and only the second day of Christmas. With ten more to follow!

What’s your theory on the origins of Boxing Day? Evolution? Creation? Let’s fight about it!

image via

This is beyond cute. There’s cute. This is past that point. A ways past.

HT: Whit Elam

I was once attacked by Pete Peterson (author, A.S. Peterson) in the sanctuary of a church in front of a hundred people. This is true. There were one-hundred eye-witnesses and all of them except Aaron Roughton are reliable. I have often wondered what might have brought on this barbaric, senseless attack. Now, I think I know. There’s a history here.

The rare home video below features just one of the often brutal scraps the young Peterson brothers would regularly engage in. Watch the devastation, if you can stand it.

Even today, in holy places, tensions rise.

Andrew: “Do you wanna fight right here in church?”

Andrew: “I will chew Pete up and spit him out in combat, just like I chew this combat…chew this gummy bear…like…I will dominate you, Pete!”

Pete: “I was in the Marines. The end.”

Here’s the brutal fight. Avert your eyes!

Makes you rethink the Peterson’s image, does it not?

HT: Jonathan Rogers

I love our kids.

If you can’t read this (because I don’t know how to scan, but just held it up for Photo Booth) then I’ll give you the details here.

The side says “b.r. news by a. smith.” She means “Bike Riding News.”

The top says “Thumbs! Up! Josiah!”

Next line…

“aperently, Josiah is doing wonderfull,

at his bike riding skills. if he is

having trouble, he gets frustrated,

but he never gives UP!”

Pictured girls saying “yea woo!”

Bottom: “News Paper.”

HT: Todd Agnew