Fort Skulletton, US —-Scallywags from all over met today beneath a blooming thorn tree in central Fort Skulletton on the banks of the Narl River. But these Scallywags are united.

United Scallywags is an organization dedicated to promoting the activity of Scallywaggery and the liberation from puritanical ideas about what is good and what is not. Their annual contravention is being held today and next Tuesday.

“Listen,” said Curm Sledges, spokewag for U.S., “We believe everyone has a right to engage in whatever actions they feel are right in their own hearts. We don’t want any of this mixing of church and state and boardgames, or fabricated standards of decency.”

Later he said, “I just want to be a scallywag.” Many cheered when he said that part, and some hooted. Hooting is not frowned upon in the U.S.

Some groups, angry, narrow-minded types, argued that this relativistic worldview allowed for all kinds of evil, including kicking puppies and continually using the phrase “Woot!” to express happiness on Twitter and Facebook.

“I won’t be a cog in the wheel,” Sledges said, high-fiving another scallywag. “I believe in myself. I’m a scallywag, and proud of it.”

Later, Sledges killed a man for messing with his hair.